When you're not here ...

it has been so long, I no longer write here, I've even delete previous posts.. it's seems like i want to rearrange this blog.. 

do you know? i just feel that i want to share my story here..

the contents of this blog may not contain humorous stories,, 

also does not contain any horror stories or anything else that scientific..

Okay, stop this prologue..

I want to tell you about "him"..

WHEN YOU ARE NOT HERE

I really miss him. he is a man who had been kept filling my days before. a man who loves me so much. a man who always work hard for me and my familly..

life is not easy, but it's all becomes more difficult when you are no longer here. 

Somehow, I became so lonely without you. I feel that i don't want to meet the other people, I just want to remember you, alone. I feel that i lost my soul. 

almost every day, i miss you, then i wept. i no longer care, where i was. i no longer care if other people see me. I feel, i don't have anything. I can't wait for that day, when I could see you again. I want to hear your story and also i want to tell you my story, when you are not here.. there is no one who can do as you used to do to me.. 

no one... 

I feel, the more I keep longing for you, the more i want to d**.... (ahh, i can't say this word) 

Today, while i was typing this story. I couldn't stop the tears fall. i can not describe my feelings or maybe, i just want to cry alone. I kept remembering what you order to me. don't despairing, as if despair is a way out of all the problems you have. I remember it, and I can't stop to cry.

I miss every moment with you, dad..

I hope to meet you soon, as soon as possible.. 

However, I'm sure ..

and I have to be sure. that ALLAH will strengthen me. that ALLAH will give me patience and makes me able. 

on any difficulty, Sure, ALLAH prepared the reward, when it's no longer in the world, then surely,, the hereafter will be. as long as I can stay on the right path, keep trying to do a good things. 

ALLAH says (Al-Insyirah; 5-8)

  فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا (5) إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا (6) فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانْصَبْ (7) وَإِلَى رَبِّكَ فَارْغَبْ (8)

Translate:

“For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease (5), Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease (6) So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship].(7) And to your Lord direct [your] longing.

then,,  

Remember this Surah :

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people." 

-Surah Al Baqarah, verse 286-

And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah ] 

*surah Al Baqarah, verse 45*

Therefore despair of the mercy of Allah, is one of the great sins of the greatest, says Ibn Mas'uud radhiyallaahu 'anhu:

الكبائر: الإشراك بالله ، والأمن من مكر الله ، والقنوط من رحمة الله ، واليأس من روح الله

“Large greatest sin is associating partners with God, to feel safe from the plots of God, despair of the mercy of God, and hopeless against the spaciousness of God.” ( hadith Hasan, valid; narrated by Ath-Thabrani in Al-Mu'jam Al-Kabir; see Majma 'al-Zawaid, chapters 1, p. 104; quotation from muslimah.or.id)

Now I stopped crying. read every word from Allah,, makes me feel better than before..